It Didn’t End the Way I Thought It Would.

My heart is torn. My understanding – dim. The picture I see in the natural doesn’t match the one I envisioned in my heart.

Like a good daughter, heeding the wisdom of her Father, I stepped out in faith. That one step led to another.  And another. And another. With each step, came a certainty I was moving in the right direction. Every angle appeared to be falling into place exactly as I prayed.

It wasn’t a bed of roses, but deep inside me, I was confident…”This is His plan.”

Then it happened.

The rug was yanked from under me…. Or, maybe I pulled the plug… I am not really sure. All I know – is here I stand with a barrel of unanswered questions.

I wonder… Can you relate? Have you ever felt the Lord leading you in a certain direction, only to end up in a place far, far away?

Let me assure you, you are not alone. Today, I am standing inundated with questions, too.

My flesh is weak. It wants to fret, worry, and bring to the surface all the “what if’s.” It tries to convince me I don’t hear His voice at all. My mind begs for answers I may never know.

But —when I search the deepest part of me, my soul finds rest. While my flesh is in tears and confused, my spirit is bold and empowered. I have an immeasurable sense of peace my mind can’t comprehend. It is a peace that surpasses all my understanding. The kind only Christ can give.

In the midst of all the chaos, I hear His voice rising up on the inside of me. It is a voice I do know very well.  It speaks in unwavering truths and echoes far above all the other voices that vie for my attention.

Isaiah 30:21, “’Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’Whenever you turn to the right hand, Or whenever you turn to the left.”

His voice calms and reminds me…

“Amy, You have walked this path of unknowns before and have come out on the other side in victory. You have tasted My goodness and shared my cup.  

My plan for you is perfect. It will not fail. 

Cling to My Word. Listen to My instruction. When you don’t know which way to turn, My voice will be your guide. If you focus on what is going on around you, you will never hear My voice. You must turn off the clutter and come away with Me. Fix your eyes on Me, and remember what I say.

Trust Me with your life. I will not let you down or leave you helpless. I will fill you with My strength to bear what lies before you. Believe on Me. Hold fast to My Words and I will deliver you, like I have many times before.”

In this matter, the ending is still unwritten. But the choice for me is clear… I will listen to my spirit.

I will not allow fear to cripple me. I will trust in the God who has never let me down. I will trust His plan, even when it doesn’t make sense to me. I will trust His ways, even as I stand perplexed. I will trust His protection, even though my heart is vulnerable and exposed.

Right now. In this very moment. When I am left with a myriad of questions, I choose– to trust Him with it all.

Today, I invite you to trust Him too… Re-read the words above and replace my name with yours.  Then pray this prayer with me…

“Lord, I trust you with my life. I trust you with my future. I trust you to work out what I cannot fix. And make right what I don’t understand. I declare this very moment that henceforth, I will keep my eyes fixed upon you. I will not waver. I will trust in you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

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4 thoughts on “It Didn’t End the Way I Thought It Would.

    1. admin

      Thanks. I am still chewing on it too. As I walked the halls of the hospital today, my mind began to wander to the “what if’s” again. Sometimes making one choice isn’t enough. To be victorious, we have to make decision after decision not go there in our minds. That is where I am today… Standing firm in the truth that no matter what it feels like, my steps are ordered by the Lord.

  1. Chad

    I like what you say too. Truth is where it’s at. Feelings and emotions can easily give the enemy a foothold. If I let it.


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