Date Night and Alone.
February 27, 2014
Deuteronomy 30:19, “I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore chose life, that both you and your descendants may live.”
It’s the second Saturday night of the month. Date night at church. My husband is working. Again.
I take a shower. Blow dry my hair. Put on my make-up.
What am I going to do?
I have no plans. Ironically, my kids do. I have to pick them up at 10pm. That means I have to kill three hours on a Saturday night. And my husband is working… Did I mention that?
Earlier in the week, I made plans. They fell through. So, here I stand in front of my bathroom mirror all dressed up with no place to go. A few emotions run through me. 1- I don’t want to be alone tonight. 2- I don’t want to be a third wheel. 3- I thought these days were over. 4- I think this is going to be good for me.
For years I thought when I got married I would never have another unwelcomed night solo, but with a husband who works a lot, it happens. Even when I don’t want it to.
In the past two weeks, I have gone out to lunch by myself. Twice. I sat in church alone. Twice. I was the fifth wheel at a dinner party one Saturday night. The next, I went to see the movie, “Lone Survivor” by myself (kind of ironic as I look back.)
Being single for so many years taught me how to be comfortable in my own skin. To go it alone. And to enjoy every moment of it. And so I did. But- it wasn’t always this way. Years ago when I had nothing to do or my plans fell through, my regular day would quickly turn into a miserable night. I would sit at home and think about the life I wished I had. I would end up being the star of my own, personal pity party decorated with crying until my eyes hurt and eating until I wanted to throw up.
Those days are long gone. But it isn’t because I finally have a family and never have a lonely night. It’s because I learned how not to let my emotions rule my life. Just because I feel a certain way, doesn’t mean I have to live in that place. I can choose to live above my feelings by focusing on the good things in my life. By focusing on what I do have, and not what I don’t.
It took years of practice for me to learn… It’s up to me to choose life or death. Much of this choice happens in my thoughts. Before, I didn’t know I could choose my thoughts. Now, I realize I can choose what to think on and what to push out of my mind. I can choose joy or destruction. Happiness or sadness. Peace or worry. Faith or doubt.
This weekend served as a great reminder for me. Life is full of choices. Our choices make all the difference in how we live. Now, rather than sitting down feeling sorry for myself on a Saturday night, I make a choice to get up and do something.
Every time I choose life, my choice pays off.