Last Week, I Went Off the Deep End.
April 15, 2014
My heart’s desire was to help. No doubt. I had nothing but their best interest in mind. In all honesty, I could not find one selfish motive on the inside of me. Yet still, from every side I was being attacked. My character was assaulted. And I… was completely misunderstood.
Like knives to the heart, the wounds cut deep.
In fact, the wounds are still fresh. Even today, I hear whispers of untruths being spoken about me from people I love.
Here in this moment, I have some choices to make… I can carry the guilt they want to put on me. Become bitter. I could get angry and shut out those I love. Or get defensive and try to change their mind. I can worry about it and lose sleep. Or I could be hurt and stay there.
But none of these choices sound good to me. None are productive. Nor do they create the type of life I want to live.
So, instead, I choose to forgive.
Not because they deserve it. Nor because I am wrong. But because I know a little secret that others in the midst of turmoil often forget…
Bitterness and unforgiveness cause ME trouble.
Hebrews 12:15, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
I don’t want TROUBLE in my life. So rather than cause further damage to myself and others, I chose to cut off the source of trouble…By walking in forgiveness. Rather than wasting my time being bitter, I choose to focus my time and energy on things that produce joy in my life.
Does that mean it comes easily? Not always.
Does it mean I never fail? Absolutely not.
Once last week, I went off the deep end. I was literally as mad as I have ever been in my entire life. I screamed louder than I have ever yelled at anyone in my life. (My husband and daughter actually came into my bedroom asking what alien took over my body.) But rather than give bitterness a foothold, I apologized right away for losing my cool. And, before hearing an apology on the other end of the line, I forgave my offender. Because I know that bitterness and unforgiveness only end up causing ME trouble.
I don’t want trouble, so I choose forgiveness.
To ask. To receive. And to forgive.
No matter who is right or wrong. No matter how, or what or why, I hold the key to my future.
And you hold yours.
Your destiny is in the palm of your hand. Your future is what You make of it. No one (other than you) can choose to let bitterness take root on the inside of you. Likewise, no one can choose forgiveness for you.
It is a power only you can give away.
It is a choice only you can make.